Ayesha Recommends: 33 Years Of Lessons.

Birthdays are for reflecting (and cake. lots of cake)

May 24, 2025

I turned 33 yesterday (Jannah year!), and last year I shared 32 years of lessons. So, this year I’m going to share 33 more lessons.

You choose: the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. For the last 7 years I’ve been wanting to learn handstands, splits, pistol squats etc. but if I actually stuck to trying and not get bored of no progress, I’d already be there.
A career doesn’t have to have to be linear. For some of us, it might be more like 5 ten year careers as opposed to 1 fifty year career. Hating your job is not a good thing.
Keep your portfolio and CV current. while you’re working, constantly keep updating your projects in your own personal drive and organize it. when it comes for the time to quit, you won’t have to scramble to gather everything. Also, use LinkedIn (this is a reminder to myself… I hate linkedIn).
A well paying job is worth a career switch. In 2017, after two years working an architecture job and being miserably overworked and underpaid, I started looking at UX bootcamps. Tech seemed like a better fit, but I didn’t do it as I quit that job and landed at my dream firm. Looking back, I should’ve made the switch. I didn’t want to “give up” the hard work I’d put into becoming an architect and go “backwards” in my education, even though I knew in UX my skills were transferrable - plus being an architect is cool and impressive and and and. If you’re considering the switch, do it. Architecture, despite being a professional field, is grossly underpaid for many reasons, and often seen as a job of passion. Passion shouldn’t mean I should struggle paying my rent.
Always ask for more money. This was (still is) hard for me to do. Especially if I really want something. But because of my grateful mindset, I’ve been paid less than my worth, including at my old dream job. When I asked for a raise, it was met with pushback but eventually I was able to get a 20% raise, and everyone in the office also got a 10% raise because we were, in fact, all underpaid. Always ask for more money.
You don’t have to go to an Ivy League. I went to a state college (University of Arkansas - woo pig hahahha) even though I got into Pratt but I couldn’t stomach having insane student loans for a degree that wasn’t going to help pay it off. Regardless, I still got the same job as my colleagues with an ivy league degree. I mean, I may have been a personality and diversity hire BUT I STILL GOT THE JOB.
I wish I moved to New York. Even if it was only for a year or two. Even if it didn’t work out. Austin was supposed to be temporary until I could earn enough to afford the New York life I wanted. But I didn’t want to trade my beautiful apartment, my wonderful friends, my good job and close proximity to family for what felt like the opposite. I was scared to make the jump, even in 2020 when rent was at an affordable price. At 33, the itch is still there.
Adopt a pet. Mantu (my cat) was one of the best decision’s I’ve ever made. He passed away last year unexpectedly, and we still haven’t come to terms with it. Just writing this makes me want to sob, but the years we spent together will forever be some of the best memories I’ve had. Mantu was and will always be family.
You will physically change. For me, it was for the better. I plan on only getting hotter and stronger and in better health than I’ve ever been!
You will mentally change. For me (and most 30+), also for the better. Some of this was just from aging (hello pre frontal cortex developing), and some of this was by taking initiative (talk therapy, CBT, EMDR). It’s great :)
You don’t outgrow your ADHD. In fact, in 2020, mine got to the point I had to do something about it. ADHD is misunderstood, especially in women. I’ve been diagnosed 3x, but didn’t accept it and didn’t want to be medicated. Yes, I have some of the “typical” traits like hyperactivity (being a gym rat has helped this immensely) and inattentiveness, but that’s the tip of the iceberg. My analysis paralysis became crippling. Afterwards, I spent years understanding my brain with a QEEG scan, therapy, a ton of reading/podcasts and it was validating that what felt off wasn’t just a personality trait. My brain is different, but it’s a gift, not a setback. Creating systems to help ME thrive has been key.
Systems and routine are non negotiable. When I switched to being a freelancer, it was all fun and freeing for a few months until I couldn’t even get around to the simplest tasks, even the ones I enjoyed. As someone who is high functioning and thrives on productivity, this was putting me in a hole of depression (re: linked to ADH tendencies I later understood). I was forced to create systems that helped me function. Some of them seem ridiculous, but they work well for me. One of the biggest ones is using Sunsama - I can’t live without it now.
Practice public speaking. On camera, in mirrors, wherever. Communication multiplies opportunities. I hated public speaking, and would freeze at the mere thought. I forced myself to get out of my head, and speaking on camera for social media helped.
Photo proof. If someone borrows something of yours, make them hold it, take a pic and send it to their chat. now you won’t forget who borrowed your favorite knife. Also, take photos of receipts or anything important. So much easier to find than rummaging through bags.
Put people in their place. When someone is intentionally rude, respond with “I don’t understand, can you explain what you said?”. Don’t be afraid to be a bitch when it’s warranted. Some people deserve to be cancelled.
Keep the good friends, drop the rest. Not everyone is a friend - we use the term too loosely. This was hard for me to learn.
Talk nicely to yourself. Would you say the things you say to yourself to any of your friends? No, right? Why do you put yourself down?
Decenter men. You can very much decenter a healthy and happy relationship. Throw that man off the pedestal rn or i stg I’ll yell at you.
Going on a date doesn’t mean you’re going to marry them. I took dating way too seriously because, well, in my religion you’re not really supposed to “date” (in the terms that we know of it - PLEASE NO ONE @ ME I’M NOT A SCHOLAR). But, I do wish I went on a coffee “date” here and there without feeling the pressure of every person having to be “the one”. However, I’m glad I did (and still do) stand on my boundaries. Don’t let someone waste your time, and don’t waste theirs.
I do wish I was married with kids. Yes yes I know - the grass is greener. And yes, I am happy where I am and still not rushing. And yes, it’s maktoub (written). But man, it can get to you. And I’m not going to lie to myself and say I can plan for kids 5+ years after marriage like I initially wanted to. There is a real biological clock (which, btw, is higher than what we though. I’m not expired at 35 ffs)
Say sorry when you’re wrong. Pride is fine when you’re right, but don’t let it hold you away from peace when you’re wrong.
Delete that paragraph. Cut them off. Block them. Move on. Out of sight, out of mind. Some people are not well meaning and full of BS. It’s not worth it.
Not every trip will be transformative. It’s okay to say you aren’t having a great time when you travel. I’ve been there.
Moving back home is a blessing, not a failure. Moving to a home with a loving family and not having to pay rent? Why was I being treated like I failed somewhere? Like, sorry your family isn’t good to you, that really sucks, but don’t project that on me.
Start Tretinoin (+sunscreen) yesterday. I add this to every list. I began tretinoin when I was 18 because of acne and I do think it’s been the best skincare “hack” for anti-aging. Yes, genetics and lifestyle play a part, but there’s no denying its benefit. No botox or fillers in my face, it’s all skincare. (btw - not throwing shade. I’ll probably start botox in a few years too)
Jealousy is data. It can teach you what you want - when you feel that signal, take a minute and think why and then focus that energy into how to achieve it. Keep track of this.
Pay attention to hormonal health. I wish I got off birth control sooner than I did. I took it for almost 13 years because I was told it’s the best thing for my skin and hormones. What it did was mask other issues that came to surface once I got off. While I’m sure there are great benefits, long term… I really don’t trust big pharma.
Post your content on the right platform. I regret not posting on TikTok back in 2019. I was all about IG stories - cooking tips, interior design advice, OOTDS, Ice Cream Of The Week, Date Of The Day - all that hard work to vanish in 24 hours. I’m not as active as I was a few years back, and sometimes I kick myself for wasting time on Instagram when TikTok was new.
Where you live matters. I mean both city, and residence. I like having a space with good natural light and a good kitchen. Compromising on these two things in the past (and present) makes my day to day not as enjoyable. If it’s not at a ridiculous cost, I’ll spend more to live where I want. It’s always been worth it.
It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility. Repeat this over and over when you feel cheated by life. Sure, whatever happened might be really shitty, but what can you do about it to change where you’re at? No change happens until you take action.
Make time for God, and nature. The most healing things for me, personally.
Your identity and beliefs will evolve; let it shift without apology. Sometimes there comes a guilt with growth. When I say identity, I don’t mean your core self - I mean your ideologies. You may one day wake up and decide, hey, I actually don’t align with the political ideologies I was raised and surrounded by. You might be gaslight, cut off, reprimanded in many ways to not change. But you know who has to deal with this 24/7? You. So change for yourself, not others.
If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. We’ve all seen it. And bandwagon activism? Even worse. I don’t have the grace and patience I used to with this. Free Palestine, Free East Turkistan. Free all those wrongfully silences and oppressed. The rest of y’all can go to hell ❤️

If you’d like to get me a gift for my birthday, please do one of these action items for Palestine that I shared earlier this week. Thank you so much!

Your big sis,
Ayesha

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